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So apparently we’re doing this now.
Word on the street (OK, Reddit) is that a guy in Alberta has trained his pet moose to sniff out low-quality cannabis. Not just sniff it — judge it. Loudly.
His name is Gary. He’s 9 feet tall, weighs more than a Ford Focus, and when he smells bad bud, he kicks the dealer’s car.
And honestly? We respect the hustle.
🦌 Meet Gary: Alberta’s Only Hoof-Certified Weed Snob
Gary lives just outside Fort McMurray with his owner, Wade Rempel — local electrician, full-time realist, part-time legend. Wade claims it all started when he picked up a “top-shelf” ounce that smelled like hockey tape and disappointment.
“I said to myself, ‘If I’m gonna buy garbage, at least I’ll train Gary to tell me before I spark it.’” – Wade (probably while rolling a joint on a moose antler)
So he got to work. Six months of training. Dozens of strains. Gary learned to nod at good weed… and go full rodeo on mids.
🚗 Kicks Don’t Lie
Wade’s system is simple: take Gary along to pick-ups. If the bud is gas, Gary snorts and carries on. If it’s trash? Boom. Right to the quarter panel.
One dealer in Red Deer reportedly cried when Gary dented his rear bumper.
“He said it was AAAA,” Wade explained. “But Gary smelled something closer to online dispensary in Alberta clearance bin kush.”
Harsh. Accurate.
🇨🇦 Only in Canada
Let’s take stock here:
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A moose
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Named Gary
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Kicking cars over low-grade bud
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Somewhere off Highway 63
Only in Canada, folks.
And while this story might be fake, the truth it points to is 100% real: not all cannabis in Alberta is created equal.
There are solid local options — but there’s also enough basement-grow nonsense floating around to keep Gary busy for life.
🛑 Warning Signs Your Weed Might Get Kicked
If you’re wondering whether your stash would pass the Gary Test, here’s a checklist:
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Comes in a ziplock with a Cheetos label
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Smells like insulation and regret
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Feels like you’re smoking dryer lint
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Purchased from an online dispensary in Alberta that also sells NFTs
If any of that rings true, Gary’s already heading for your fender.
🧠 Skip the Hoof. Get the Good Stuff.
Look — we love a good moose story as much as the next stoner with a Wi-Fi connection. But you shouldn’t need wildlife intervention to find decent weed.
The best cannabis doesn’t come from back alleys, sketchy sites, or a guy named Brad who accepts payment in PaySafe cards.
More and more folks in Alberta are ditching the guesswork and just going with a trusted online dispensary in Alberta that doesn’t involve hoof-based quality control.
💚 The One Moose Would Approve
We’re not saying Haute Health is the only reliable source. But we’re also not saying Gary hasn’t nodded in approval at every order so far.
Want flower that hits, edibles that work, and delivery that doesn’t come with a side of suspicion? You know what to do.
Stay lifted. Stay smart. And if your weed makes a moose kick metal — maybe don’t smoke it.
