🎤 Biggie Smalls Brownie Balls — “Ready to Diet” Edition 🍫

From the kitchen of Haute Health and the soul of Big Poppa himself. Rest in munchies, my guy.

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👑 INTRO:

Ladies, gentlemen, and blunt enthusiasts of culture —
We bring you a weed recipe that hits harder than a diss track on Hot 97: Biggie Smalls Brownie Balls. These lil’ bites are fudgey, potent, and bougie enough to wear gold foil like they just dropped a platinum album.

Perfect for when you wanna feel “Juicy”… and also legally useless for 6 hours.

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🎧 SET THE MOOD:

Before we start, play some Biggie:

• Big Poppa while melting butter.

• One More Chance when licking the spoon.

• Warning if you even THINK about eating more than one.

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🍫 INGREDIENTS (Keepin’ it Simple, Sugah):

Here’s what you’ll need — no blowtorches, no spiralizers, just pure, blunt-force deliciousness.

• 1/2 cup cannabis-infused butter (C-B.I.G. Butter)
  ‣ You can make this at home or buy it, like an adult with bad priorities.

• 1 cup sugar (Because life’s sweet, unlike your last situationship)

• 2 eggs (Don’t freestyle this – real eggs)

• 1 tsp vanilla extract (aka “flavor drip”)

• 1/3 cup cocoa powder (dark like your best friend’s humor)

• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour (not emotional, just baking)

• 1/4 tsp salt (tiny pinch to balance your inner chaos)

• 1/4 tsp baking powder (for fluff – the only time inflation’s good)

• Gold foil candy wrappers (‘cause broke brownies are canceled)

Optional: mini chocolate chips or tiny edible chains, if you’re extra.

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🔥 BAKING INSTRUCTIONS:

(Or as Big would say, “Birthdays was the worst days, now we bake cake while gettin’ baked days.”)

1. Preheat that oven to 350°F.

This is foreplay. Show the oven you care.

2. Melt your weed butter.

Do this gently in a saucepan or microwave. If it sizzles like a mixtape, you’ve gone too far. Whisper to it. Treat it like it has feelings.

3. Mix in the sugar, eggs, and vanilla.

Use a spoon, not your hands, you animal. Stir like you’re telling the pot your deepest secrets.

4. Add the cocoa powder.

It’ll look weird. Trust the process. So did Biggie when he wore a Coogi sweater in July.

5. Drop in the flour, salt, and baking powder.

Now it’s turning into brownie mix, baby. Don’t act brand new.

6. OPTIONAL: Add chocolate chips.

Or don’t. Some people like chaos. Some people like texture. Some people like both. (Cancers, mostly.)

7. Roll the batter into little balls.

Think golf ball size. Or like, “baby Poppa” size. If it sticks to your hands, you’re doing it right. This is a commitment.

8. Place balls on a lined baking sheet.

Give them space like your therapist told you to. These are introverted brownies.

9. Bake for 12–14 minutes.

You want the outside firm and the inside soft — just like your ex’s emotional defenses.

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✨ AFTERCARE / DRESSING:

Let them cool. You will burn your mouth if you rush it. These are not Hot Pockets.

Once cooled, wrap each one in gold foil. Boom.
You’re now the Diddy of edibles. All flash, all class, no tax receipts.

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🧠 BIGGIE BAKING TIPS:

• Dose wisely.
  These balls are stronger than Brooklyn opinions. Start with half if you’re new.
  Remember: “Eat too many, lose your identity.”

• Storage?
  Keep them in the fridge in an airtight container. Or bury them in your sock drawer like a paranoid stoner pirate.

• Pair with:
  ‣ Lofi beats and regret
  ‣ A bubble bath and The Sopranos
  ‣ Convinced rants about aliens

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🎤 OUTRO — Words from the Notorious Himself:

“Stay high, stay hungry. Don’t trust brownies without foil. And if you gon’ eat two of these… don’t schedule anything.”