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First-Ever Edible Marathon Ends in Mass Napping
Vancouver — This weekend, history was made… and immediately forgotten.
The city of Vancouver hosted the world’s first-ever 420K Edible Endurance Race, an event that asked a simple, yet genius question: “What if every kilometre you ran… you also had to eat a 10mg THC gummy?”
At the starting line, spirits were high (pun absolutely intended). Over 600 brave souls laced up their running shoes, pocketed their pre-approved snack packs, and promised themselves, “I’m pacing myself, bro.” Local cannabis enthusiasts, marathoners, and people who “just came for the vibes” all showed up ready to make history.
Spoiler alert:
Roughly 5% of participants actually crossed the finish line.
The other 95%?
They entered what experts later referred to as “an impromptu nationwide nap-a-thon,” collapsing peacefully in fields, along sidewalks, and in one case, inside a Denny’s booth 14km off course.
How It Started vs. How It Went
The race began innocently enough. The first gummy kicked in around kilometre 2, turning the mood from “serious athletic event” to “best camping trip ever.” Some runners slowed down to take selfies with squirrels. Others reported “deep emotional conversations” with the streetlights.
By kilometre 7, participants were visibly wobbling. By kilometre 12, one runner stopped altogether, sat down in a patch of wildflowers, and just kept saying, “I’m good right here, man. This is my finish line.”
By kilometre 20? The race wasn’t so much a competition anymore as it was a province-wide demonstration of the power of edibles.
Emergency tents were set up — not for medical issues, but for “urgent nap assistance.”
One volunteer joked, “I’ve seen toddlers at daycare hold it together better than these grown adults.”
A Record for the Books
Authorities called it “the chillest pile-up in Canadian history.”
Instead of handing out traditional medals, organizers pivoted mid-race and awarded prizes for:
- Best Nap Posture (winner: a guy found curled around a “Caution: Wet Floor” sign)
- Loudest Snore (winner: a woman whose snores set off three car alarms)
- Most Philosophical Mid-Race Thought (winner: “Time isn’t real. Only the gummy is real.”)
Photos from the event quickly went viral — a sea of happy, passed-out Canadians covered in race bibs, tie-dye, and the occasional rogue Dorito crumb.
Participants Weigh In (Kind Of)
When asked about the experience, most “finishers” could only muster sleepy smiles and thumbs-ups.
One participant, still half-asleep in a lawn chair, told reporters, “Best race ever. Zero regrets. 10/10. Would wobble again.”
Another claimed he “communed with the universe” somewhere around kilometre 18, but couldn’t remember the details because “my phone was dead and so was my ambition.”
What’s Next for the Edible Race Series?
Given the “overwhelmingly horizontal” success of the event, organizers are now planning a national “Nap Across Canada” tour, with smaller edible marathons popping up in Calgary, Toronto, and Halifax.
Proposed upgrades for the next race include:
- Mandatory cuddle zones
- Snack stations featuring poutine and Timbits
- An on-site “emotional support moose”
(Okay, we made that last one up. But honestly, it would fit the vibe.)
The Verdict:
The 420K Edible Endurance Race wasn’t just a race — it was a celebration of cannabis culture, human resilience, and the simple joy of realizing you don’t always have to finish first to have a good time.
Sometimes, the real victory is napping in a public park without a single care in the world.
And honestly?
That’s the kind of gold medal energy we need more of.
Thinking about training for next year? Tip from the pros: Bring a pillow. And maybe a buddy to carry you home.
