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by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (yes, it’s me… kinda)
🍃 Welcome to Haute History, Jabroni
Now I know what you’re thinking.
“Did The Rock just walk into a weed blog?”
You’re damn right I did. And I brought three big, fat, brain-sparking weed stories with me — each one so weird, so legendary, so baked-in-bonkers that your grandma’s mac and cheese would get jealous.
But I’m not here to tell you if they’re real.
No, no. Not yet.
I’m here to drop the stories on your doorstep like a flaming bag of facts — and let you decide if they’re baked or totally baked.
Let’s rumble.
🧓 STORY 1: George Washington — Founding Father or Founding Farmer?
Picture this.
It’s 1776. You’re George Washington. You’ve got wooden teeth, presidential ambition, and enough powdered wig to suffocate a mid-sized goat.
But behind Mount Vernon? You’re not just farming crops… you’re growing plants. Long, leafy, suspiciously chill plants.
That’s right. Ol’ George allegedly dabbled in hemp. Not just for rope and coats — no no — the man had a green thumb and possibly a mellow mind.
Imagine George rolling into the Constitutional Convention like:
“Life, liberty, and the pursuit of snacks, gentlemen.”
🔌 STORY 2: The Human Body is… a Weed-Enabled Bluetooth Speaker?
Let’s zoom in now — like really in.
You’ve got a system in your body called the endocannabinoid system. I know, it sounds like something invented by Elon Musk during a trip to Burning Man, but this system supposedly wants you to vibe.
They say it’s designed to link up with cannabis like your AirPods to your iPhone — no wires, all chill.
Which makes me wonder:
Are humans just walking dispensaries with legs and too many opinions about oat milk?
Stay tuned.
🚀 STORY 3: NASA’s Space Blunt
Final story. Buckle your rocket boosters.
NASA. International Space Station. Zero gravity. Absolute silence.
Suddenly — a plant.
A lone green hero, floating majestically in the middle of the cabin.
Not lettuce. Not kale.
Weed.
According to stoner folklore (and maybe an intern with questionable judgment), one little cannabis plant hitched a ride to orbit. It floated. It thrived. It probably threw on some lo-fi beats and passed out near the airlock.
Did it hotbox the universe?
Did it vibe with the moon?
That’s for you to decide…
FOR NOW.
🎬 The Rock’s “HIGH” Reveal: Truth or Toke?
Alright, jabronis — time for the People’s Verdict.
Let’s go full WWE announcer voice and break these down.
✅ George Washington Grew Hemp
TRUE. 100%. Honest Abe verified it. (Even though he wasn’t there.)
Old Georgie did, in fact, grow hemp at Mount Vernon. It was used mainly for rope, sails, and potentially low-THC medicinal use. Whether he toked? Well… I like to imagine he at least passed it once or twice.
Founding Faaather… with a fat leaf in hand.
✅ The Endocannabinoid System is Real
Also TRUE. No cap, just cannabinoids.
This thing lives in all of us — and it was made to interact with cannabis compounds like THC and CBD. Think of it as your body’s internal “chill manager.” It handles mood, appetite, memory, and pain. Basically, your inner HR department for vibes.
Bluetooth for chill. And yes, I pair perfectly with sativa.
❌ NASA’s Space Weed?
FAKE. But I so badly wanted this one to be true.
As far as anyone officially knows, NASA has not grown weed in space. (Yet.) But let’s be honest — if anyone deserves a gravity-free gummy experience, it’s the guy stuck in a metal can 400 km above Earth, eating freeze-dried beef stew.
So while this one’s false, it’s emotionally correct.
Space weed… your orbit awaits.
🧠 Final Puff of Wisdom
Let’s face it — cannabis culture is full of wild myths, incredible truths, and enough “wait, WHAT?” moments to keep Joe Rogan in business until 2085.
But here’s the real high note:
The more we learn, the more we laugh — and that’s what Haute Health is all about.
So whether you’re channeling George Washington’s secret garden, Bluetooth-ing your soul to the cannabinoid gods, or just imagining a zero-gravity blunt doing cartwheels around the moon…
You’re in the right place.
Stay curious. Stay lifted. And if anyone tells you The Rock doesn’t blog about weed — tell ‘em to hit the aux cord.
– Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (probably)
Guest Blogger, Arm Curator, and Future NASA Weed Ambassador
Only at HauteHealth.club
